Anon

You know, I often find myself surprised at the amount of people who keep up with me and my cryptic forms of communication. Blogging/documenting my life has sort of been a thing of mine for as long as I can remember, and despite the fact that I've jumped from platform to platform, countlessly telling and re-telling stories, I never really imagined anyone would follow me and my Machiavellian bread crumbs.

Of course, I leave them there for people to find, but I pull a Tupac once every few years and still, each time I come back from the dead, I retain the same pseudonym and assume that I'm talking to myself when I never really am. My words have always had a habit of getting me into trouble, yet I'm so awfully fond of them and I know many people also find their hypnotic grasp pleasurable in ways that poetry couldn't even contain.

That's how it is when you're a lover of words, but to be quite frank, I personally fall in love with all the things we don't say.

It is true - I am a writer; I love words; I love the way we say certain things to one another; although when it comes down to it, I'm not one to take things literally. You would think that I am, but I am not. There is almost always a meaning behind the meaning, which is why I read in between the lines and find the words that matter most.

When we're young, it's easy to just open up a dictionary and look up something that doesn't make sense. This is how we learn that one word is often a combination of other words that came before it. Life is a lot like this in the sense that as we grow, we're often made up of people we've met and the places we've been. The person you are today, is a byproduct of someone else, someone you probably don't even know very well - but in the end you really don't have to.

I guess that's why I'm always trying to speak anonymously when it's obvious that someone is always watching.

The Saddest Girl I Know

She doesn’t know shit. Unoriginal to the core, she borrows from the world around her and tries to call it her own. Her style and taste in music are found in magazines; she’s trendy and does everything she can to fit in around the background. She screams and tries to show off her individuality, but she doesn’t have any of it. In always trying to be on top of the latest shit, she’s broken herself down to be nothing but a tool.

She’s not down. She’ll never embrace her true nature, because in order to do that, she’s got to accept her flaws and seek to be bigger than them. Instead, she chooses to cover them up and flaunt her strong suites. She’s nothing but a bluffer who knows how to present herself well. 

I’m sitting here watching now, because there is absolutely nothing left for me to say or do. I watch as she runs around trying to be someone she’s not.. watching her lose every last bit of her being, just trying to be a part of something, or anything for that matter.. She’s never really been an active player in this life, because she’s always abiding by someone else’s rules.

She thinks she’s someone important; tries so hard to put up this pretty fucking picture, when she’s got sorrow written up and down her spine. It’s become her fuel that keeps her driving around in circles, but she’ll never get passed it. She doesn’t know how, because she’s been stuck in the same loop for years now.

This girl smiles, but never means anything by it. She’s never happy, because she doesn’t want to be herself. She just wants to fill the shoes that’ll keep her safe in this world. She’s not the rebel or badass she makes herself out to be, because she’ll never ever take the kind of risks she reads of. She’ll never risk her life for herself, because she doesn’t value it enough to bring about the change she wants and needs. There’s absolutely no courage in the words.. they’re not even hers. She just waits and listens for the right lines in movies and songs, then repeats them over and over again like a broken record.

The saddest girl I know is losing her heart and is trading in her soul. She lies to herself everyday, and she falls further and further into this lie she doesn’t even understand. She’s not shit at the end of it all, and behind this lie, she knows it. She craves attention, throws fits when she doesn’t get it, and cries when she’s alone; a spoiled fucking brat who’s had everything given to her, who fools herself when she says she’s earned it all. 

Always waiting for your line, as if life were a script. You keep trying to find your part, instead of trying to define it. I feel so sorry for you, there’s nothing left for me to do. I’m saddened by how lost you’ve become.. when you’ve been in the very same spot all along.

I know much too many of these sad girls.. They are the saddest ones I know..

Some Things Currently Bothering Me

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been born into the wrong generation.. I’m not too fond of the current music or literature, and have more appreciation for the classics, as modern entertainment is somewhat mindless and immature. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m more mature than my peers or any better than them, but rather that I think differently. I find enjoyment and entertainment in concepts that people my age don’t care for, like politics and philosophy. I’ve grown to be the type of guy who revels in stimulating his mind instead of poisoning it.

We live in a period of time where the average joe cares more about money and material success than the factors that dictate it; an age where morals are devalued by oppression and fear; and a society that exploits this fear rather than working to eradicate it. We’re living in times where the ground is crumbling beneath us, and where the people who gave birth to us are oblivious to the true dangers that have surrounded their lives through change and progress. We’ve become lost in a game where chess pieces have begun to move like checkers.

Our minds are constantly being spoon fed massive amounts of useless information at an ever increasing speed, and there’s nothing we can do but be swept up in this shift between analog and digital; all to keep up with the times. It’s funny because, digital technology seems to be the way of the future, but its dangers have yet to be fully explored. Words like bitrate are nearly foreign to the average consumer, and even after being educated on this subject matter, they would most likely not have the capacity to determine the broader picture of negative effects it can have on the human brain.

It bothers me that we’re taught that we’ve come from beautiful expressive eras like the Renaissance, and that we’ve extinguished and advanced sciences to peaks not previously possible, when we have wars on terror exist, and have grown to be enslaved to the very machines that serve us.

I don’t get why the methodology of how we changed is stressed more than the deeper meaning of why, when this eliminates the full understanding of a thought.

No one seems to give a fuck about any of this stuff… but I do, and a whole lot more. The thing that irks me the most though, is that at the end of the day, my opinion doesn’t matter… because I’m nobody.

Just like you.